The Plague of The Never Ending Song
by Storm Alert
Summary: A Song has spread through the Seireitei, and specific people are starting to get annoyed. Bankai is imminent.  It's just a random crack story with no point whatsoever.   I hope it's better than it sounds- I suck at summaries.


**Crack… lol. I thought this up randomly when I heard somebody singing the Never Ending Song… I forget who it was- I probably should know that…**

**Poor Hitsugaya, Byakuya, Unohana, Saskibe, Soi Fon, Yamamoto and Nanao. I really did torture them. **

**Review! Please!**

**O.O.C warning. I tried to keep it as in character as possible… but there are some parts- mainly Byakuya and Soi Fon, maybe Yamamoto.**

**If I owned Bleach, this would happen in one of the Shinigami Illustrated Picture Books. Obviously I don't own Bleach.**

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><p><strong>The Never Ending Song<strong>

It had all started when Renji got back from the world of the living. He had been fine for the first couple of days, but then he started to sing. The lyrics of the song weren't hard, and it was only a matter of time before the song started spreading like wildfire.

His drinking buddies, Yumichika, Ikkaku, Matsumoto, Shuhei and Izuru caught on, singing the song at the top of their lungs. Yachiru heard Ikkaku and Yumichika singing it, and immediately joined in. Shunsui heard it from Matsumoto, and Ukitake heard it from Shunsui. Kiyone and Sentaro heard from Ukitake, and then Isane found out from Kiyone. Sentaro brought the news to the Male Soul Reaper Association, it was labelled as manly, and all of the 'macho men' in the Seireitei started singing it. Captain Komamura heard it from Tetsuzaemon Iba. Rukia heard it from Kiyone and Sentaro. Momo heard it from Rukia, Nemu learned the nature of the song from Momo, and Captain Kurotsuchi learned about the song from Nemu.

Soi Fon expressed her displeasure at the song, but Head-Captain Yamamoto refused to allow her to kill the people who sang it. And still the song spread.

People who weren't seated officers had picked up on the song too. Both Byakuya and Nanao went to Head-Captain Yamamoto with requests to ban the song from the Seireitei, but by then it was well out of Yamamoto's control. And it kept spreading. Vice Captain Saskibe locked himself in his room and refused to come out. And the song kept on going, until it was all that you could hear.

_I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes. I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes. I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes. I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes._

Yamamoto was beginning to wish that he'd allowed Soi Fon to kill the people who sang the song in the first place. It was getting ridiculous. And it was still spreading.

_I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes._

Only Nanao, Byakuya, Soi Fon, Yamamoto, Vice Captain Saskibe, Hitsugaya, and Unohana weren't singing the song, and since both Captain Unohana and Vice Captain Saskibe had sound proof rooms it didn't really bother them. But it bothered the rest of them, because the song was everywhere.

In Captain's meetings.

"And the Arrancar are of greatest conc-" Yamamoto started, only to be cut off.

_I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes._

In Vice Captain's meetings.

"Will you stop singing and _listen_ to me?" Nanao asked, holding up her book threateningly. But nobody was listening.

_I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes._

During meals.

"All I wanted to do was eat my lunch," Soi Fon grumbled, storming away from the Squad Two Barrack's cafeteria. But nobody was listening to her either.

_I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes._

At night.

Byakuya pulled his pillow over his head, grumbling under his breath. The sound of that awful song rung in his ears. How long were they going to keep it up?

_I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes._

During work time.

"Matsumoto, you have paper work to do! Matsumoto!" Hitsugaya screamed. But even the loud yell went unnoticed.

_I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes._

Silence was nowhere to be found in the Seireitei, but that stupid song was everywhere. There was no escaping it, no matter where you hid. Until Nanao, Byakuya, Soi Fon and Yamamoto found out Unohana and Vice Captain Saskibe's secret. The sound proof rooms. Suddenly Unohana found that her quarters were really crowded.

Byakuya stood stiffly by the door. He was only there because Head Captain Yamamoto had ordered him to come. Although he wanted to get away from that infernal song, he would never stoop so low as to invade another's private quarters, but his hand had been forced. Soi Fon was also standing, looking slightly annoyed, but she had been there of her own free will. She and Unohana knew each other well enough that it wasn't really weird for her to be there. Hitsugaya and Nanao were sitting on the floor, both completing the paperwork that Matsumoto and Shunsui had refused to do. They were there of her own free will too, as neither could get anything done while listening to the stupid song that even now rang in their ears.

_I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes._

Head Captain Yamamoto was sitting on one of Unohana's desk chairs. Unohana was sitting on her bed, watching her guests.

"This has to stop," Yamamoto announced. There was a murmur of agreement from everybody else.

"How?" Soi Fon asked the question that everybody wanted to know the answer to. There was silence for a bit, and then Nanao spoke up.

"I think I have an idea," she said respectfully, not glancing up from the mound of paperwork in front of her. She told them, and there was silence for a bit before…

"That would make it stop," Soi Fon said with a smirk.

"Maybe, but at what cost?" Byakuya interjected.

"The only person who doesn't like it is you," Soi Fon pointed out.

"I never said that I didn't like it," Byakuya replied calmly. "I was wondering about the casualties that will come from our actions.

"You mean the people who'll drop dead of a heart attack when you do something other than look at them?" Hitsugaya taunted, looking up from his paperwork. "Is that it?"

"If that happens I will be standing by to give them immediate first aid, as I will not be participating in this plan. I have soundproof rooms." Unohana informed her

"Stop bickering," Yamamoto interjected. "I say we do it." It was final then. Soi Fon opened the door and walked out.

_I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes._

She walked back in. "Do you mind if I stay here tonight?" she asked Unohana. The other woman smiled kindly at her.

"Go ahead. The rest of you can stay too," she offered. Byakuya, Hitsugaya and Yamamoto left, but Nanao and Soi Fon stayed. The three men later found reluctant sanctuary in Vice Captain Saskibe's quarters.

The next morning, each of the five annoyed protesters were spread out in the different sections of the Seireitei- North-East, North-West, South-East and South-West. As promised, Unohana was standing by Byakuya in case anybody dropped dead of a heart attack.

_I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes. I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes. I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes. I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goes._

Suddenly, four voices raised in unison.

"Silence!"

"Shut up!"

"I command you to be silent!"

"Shut it, right now!"

"Be quiet!"

Silence fell over the Seireitei for the first time in what seemed like ages. Byakuya, Hitsugaya, Nanao, Soi Fon and Yamamoto continued.

"I will use Bankai on the next person who sings that stupid/infernal/annoying/idiotic song!" The silence stuck. Nobody made a sound, frightened.

"Wait," somebody tried. "Does Vice Captain Ise even _have_ Bankai?"

"Shut it," somebody else hissed. "Do you really want to find out?" Nobody said anything else. Nanao smiled, Soi Fon nodded, Yamamoto hmmed, and nodded, Hitsugaya grumbled crankily under his breath, and Byakuya said hmph, and turned away, robes flying out dramatically in the wind.

"See," Byakuya told Soi Fon and Hitsugaya the next time that he met them. "Nobody had a heart attack."

"They were too startled to even do that," Soi Fon retorted. Hitsugaya nodded. Renji, who was watching this whole display, was silent. He didn't want to risk the three Captains' Bankai. Nobody did. The Seireitei was finally peacefully silent.

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><p><strong>Hope you liked! <strong>

**Please review- I love reviews, they make me happy! Don't flame though. That doesn't make me happy.**

**Like I said, this was random, so don't get mad at me. I know that there were some O.O.C parts, but I tried my best to keep it in character. Sorry!**


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